by Hank Quense

FNN’s Educational reporter Jason Pedagogy attended a meeting of the Alabama Board of Education and filed this report.

The main speaker at the meeting was a middle school math teacher who gave a talk on the origins of our number system.  When the Board realized our numbers have Arabic roots they reacted with outrage.

After a lengthy discussion period, the Board announced the formation of a new project.  It has authorized a project staffed by astrologers, numerologists, phrenologists and Bible experts to develop an American, Christian set of numbers to replace our current Arabic numbers.  They hope to have the new numbers in textbooks by the start of the school year in September 2022

In a follow-up announcement a few days later, a Board spokesperson said,  “It is perhaps symbolic of our inept Federal Government that they have ignored this insult to our Christian nation.  Their refusal to respond to our righteous demands has forced our hand.  While the Board accepts the responsibility to develop an American number system, we anticipate that the project will be attacked by the liberal wimps in and out of government.  We will disregard their unjustified criticism and do our Christian, American duty.  This is a crash project.  The sooner we finish it, the sooner our children will stop being exposed to the pernicious, foreign and ungodly influence of our current numbers.

“Our Board is extremely disappointed that none of our NASA scientists or engineers agreed to join the project.  In a further demonstration of partisan rancor, our project has been denounced by the American Academy of Science.  The Alabama Board of Education responds by decrying this liberal rathole of reactionary and dubious science.”

The Spokesperson went on to state that the Boards of Education in Texas and Mississippi issued statements of support for the Alabama number project.

When asked by our reporter about the Board’s project, a spokesperson for the American  Academy of Science replied, “This is absurd.  It smacks of the Dark Ages.”

Our reporter, Jason Pedagogy, will update this story as new information is released by the Board.

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Reporter bio: Jason Pedagog, was home-schooled by his illiterate mother and considers himself an expert on all things educational.