Hello, my name is Marcia Hammerhead, senior book reviewer for Faux News Network. Today, I’ve been tasked with interviewing the author who wrote *How to* *Self-publish and Market a Book*. I don’t know why my editor insists I waste my time on a book like this. Obviously, self-published books are trash and the author who wrote this one, Hank Quense, writes genre trash. So this book must be trash to the second power. Trash squared in other words. On well, I suppose I should get on with it.
Marcia Hammerhead: Mr. Quense, once again it is my ill-fortune to interview you.
Hank Quense: Maria, once again it is my good fortune to talk to you. I trust you’ll do justice to my book.
MH: Hah! Self-publishing is an abomination. The publishing companies do a service to society by restricting the number of genre trash that the public is exposed to.
HQ: Not true, Mary. The publishing companies often act as gatekeepers to restrict what the reading public can access. Publishing companies don’t like the self-publishing option because it challenges their business model and takes away revenue. Since that is the case, let’s hear it for self-publishing!
MH: What a disturbing comment. As if a self-publisher of genre trash is qualified to comment on the business model of successful publishing companies!
HQ: I also self-publish non-fiction, Matilda
MH: My name is Marcia. Have you even tried to obtain a publisher?
HQ: Yeah, I did. My first two books were published by a small indie press. I didn’t like that experience so I decided to go for self-publishing.
MH: Leaving that aside, what does this book of yours offer that isn’t already available on the market?
HQ: It offers quite a lot, Margret. Almost every book on publishing ignores the marketing end. Almost every book on marketing ignores the publishing end. It’s as if publishing and marketing are two separate processes. But they aren’t. The two processes are part of the same project. That’s where my book is different: it integrates both into a single unified project.
MH: Good heavens! Are you claiming your book actually has benefits? You, a scribbler of fictional nonsense, believe you wrote a book that will actually help other writers publish even more trash?
HQ: Yes, I am.
MH: This is nothing less than an assault on society. It’s another step in the downward spiral of civilization. I’m sure there is something that can be done to prohibit the sale of your book.
HQ: Sorry, Margo. There is no way to stop it. It’s already available on a number of websites. If you wish, I’ll give you an autographed copy. Free.
MH: How insulting. As if I would accept it. This interview is over. Where did I put that bottle of gin?
For vacations, Hank and Pat usually visit distant parts of the galaxy. Occasionally, they also time-travel.
Besides writing novels, Hank lectures on fiction writing, publishing and book marketing. He is most proud of his talk showing grammar school kids how to create a short story. He used these lectures to create an advanced ebook with embedded videos to coach the students on how to create characters, plots and settings. The target audience is 4th to 7th graders. The book’s title is Fiction Writing Workshop for Kids.