Today, a third-degree mishap for your reading pleasure.
Faux News Network presents a special report from our cultural reporter Marcia Hammerhead. Today, Marcia will interview an author who has just released a new book.
Marcia Hammerhead: Today, I’m interviewing a virtually unknown writer named Hank Quense whose latest book is Wotan’s Dilemma. Mr Quense, I must warn you that I love literary works such as Milton’s Paradise Lost and Melville’s Moby Dick plus artistic masterpieces like Ravel and Respighi symphonies and most operas. I also despise genre fiction and I’m afraid the very title of your book smacks of some horrid little genre story. Am I correct in my analysis?
Hank Quense: Yes, you are to a certain extent. Wotan’s Dilemma is a blend of scifi and fantasy, but it’s not horrid.
MH: Oh dear. Two trashy genres in one book? This could be even worse that I first imagined. And I’ll decide if it’s horrid or not. Can you gives a brief synopsis of this wretched story.
HQ: Wotan’s Dilemma is a retelling of an ancient story known as the Rhinegold Myth. Basically, I used the storyline the opera composer, Richard Wagner, used for his Ring Cycle of operas, reset it in the future instead of the Dark Ages, changed the fantasy creatures to aliens and transformed the morbid tale into comedy. Other than that it’s pretty much the original myth.
MH: I can’t believe your chutzpah! You dare to change a classic masterpiece into genre claptrap. You should be flogged. The Ring Cycle is a classic and my favorite series of operas and yet you desecrated it?
HQ: Well, not exactly. I didn’t rewrite the music, I only changed the storyline. Especially the ending. Wagner composed great music, but his story-telling skills left much to be desired. I had to change the ending, because Wagner’s doesn’t make sense.
MH: I am shocked. Shocked, that you haven’t been denounced by opera lovers everywhere. How dare you change the ending the of the world’s greatest set of operas?
HQ: It had to be done, Martha. I also made Brunnhilde the main character and gave her a quest: to understand and experience mortal love.
MH: It’s Marcia. How can Brunnhilde be on a quest when she dies in the last scene?
HQ: She doesn’t die in my story. She lives to go on with her quest.
MH: Obviously, your genre drivel must be withdrawn from publication and all copies destroyed before it damages Wagner’s reputation.
HQ: I see no reason to un-publish it, Mary. MH: It’s Marcia, not Martha or Mary. You must un-publish the book. The Ring Cycle has no humor in it. It isn’t meant to be a comedy. It isn’t meant to be scifi. It’s meant to be a turgid piece of horror, bloodlust and godly vengeance filled with great music. It can brook no mockery such as your novel. HQ: Have you read my book, Martina?
MH: My name is Marcia. Of course I haven’t read it. I told you earlier, I despise genre fiction.
HQ: If you haven’t read it, how do you know I didn’t improve Wagner’s story?
MH: It’s impossible to improve on perfection. Since this interview has degenerated into quibbles, my readers will learn nothing of importance and it may actually insult their intelligence. This interview is over.
HQ: Thanks for interviewing me, Madeline.
Faux News Network: despite Ms Hammerhead’s prejudice, FNN is thrilled that the author agreed to be interviewed and insulted. To learn more about Wotan’s Dilemma click on the title.
TWEET #1 – FNN’s revealing yet weird interview with Hank Quense. (click to tweet)
TWEET #2 – Shocking revelation about whacking author Hank Quense. (click to tweet)
TWEET #3 – Delightful and crazy author Hank Quense interviewed. (click to tweet)