IWSG: Bittersweet

It’s time for another group posting of the IWSG: Insecure Writer’s Support Group! Time to release our fears to the world – or offer encouragement to those who are feeling neurotic. If you’d like to join us, click on the tab above and sign up. We post the first Wednesday of every month and encourage everyone to visit at least a dozen new blogs and leave a comment. Your words might be the encouragement someone needs.

Be sure to link to IWSG and display the badge in your post.

IWSG is the brainchild of our noble Ninja Captain and leader Alex J. Cavanaugh

Our Twitter handle is @TheIWSG and hashtag is #IWSG

Every month, we announce a question that members can answer in their IWSG post. These questions may prompt you to share advice, insight, a personal experience or story. Include your answer to the question in your IWSG post or let it inspire your post if you are struggling with something to say. 

Remember, the question is optional!

May 3 Question: What is the weirdest/coolest thing you ever had to research for your story?

The awesome co-hosts for the May 3 posting of the IWSG will be Nancy Gideon, Tamara Narayan, Liesbet @ Roaming About, Michelle Wallace, and Feather Stone!

Please stop by and thank them for their time. 

Whenever I’m ill, which isn’t often, I feel vulnerable. Especially when I don’t understand the why. I can’t believe I would attract a horrible experience into my life. Nor would I purposely scare my husband. He’s a fixer, and when he can’t fix things, he suffers. 

The hives I contacted last month in Bucerias were so bad that dear husband tried to switch flights with me and have me sent home in his place. His flight was April 8th and mine was April 21st. 

Fortunately, the hives cleared up in three days and dear husband left assuming I’d be fine. We do this a lot, take separate flights. 

Four days later, at 10:45 in the morning, a pigeon caught its wing in the rod iron fixture holding up the A/C unit at our front door. I stood on a stool, reached through the re-bar wall, and after several stressful minutes, freed him.  

That was my goal, to free him. So when he died, stunned–I jerked, which in turn toppled the stool. The front door was open and I fell onto my right side just inside the apartment. 

We live on the top floor of a walkup apartment. When I realized I was in trouble, I decided to “fix” the problem. I crawled 7 metres believing I could reach the dining room chair and pull myself upright. Halfway, I reached the small alcove bed and after two more hours, pulled the pillows and comforter to the floor. I knew if I didn’t warm up I’d likely get pneumonia. 

People have asked since then how I managed to cope. Truth is I didn’t manage. So many horrendous thoughts ran through my mind. I yelled at the top of my lungs, yet nobody heard me. I prayed, cried, begged. Talked to my dead parents. I tried to stay strong. I sang Rolling Stones’ songs, recited aloud all the blessings in my life. I later learned that two friends (at different times during the day) were on their way to see me, only to have their plans changed at the last moment. 

When Mary, the apartment manager found me at 7:30 in the evening, I cried like a little girl. She called 911 and summed friends. Soon, my little apartment filled with neighbours who each tried in their own way to comfort me. Luis’ eight year old little girl, patted my shoulder and told me I’d be okay. Luis’ mother rubbed my leg and reminded me that God was with me. Luis rushed about the apartment, gathering everything he thought I’d need in the hospital. Later, I found toothpaste and my toothbrush in my purse. 

Mary called my dear friend, Lulu (Lourdes), who went with me in the ambulance and stayed on the sofa beside my hospital bed until my husband finally found a flight from Canada two days later. 

The fall broke the top of my right femur. Because of the severity of the break, I had a full hip replacement on April 14th. I can’t emphasize enough how wonderful the doctors and nurses were. I was treated with care, respect and kindness for 6 days. During the day, friends stayed by my side while dear husband packed up our apartment, cleaned floors, and scrubbed the fridge. In the evening he slept on the sofa beside my bed. 

It wasn’t until a dear lady from my La Cruz Writer’s group offered a rental house across from her place, rent free, that I realized there was no way I’d be able to climb the 54 steps to our apartment once I was released from the hospital. She is just one of the many wonderful people that stepped forward to help us during this difficult time. One friend lent us a walker, another did research for physiotherapy, another called their orthopaedic surgeon for a second opinion, and another drove us to the airport from Nayarit to Jalisco.  

I know accidents are never timely. But this happened when I was supposed to be finishing my current WIP, a manuscript I’ve been struggling with for several years. This happened when I should have been marketing a new ebook. 

My publisher put out a request, and a some terrific bloggers came to my rescue, which shouldn’t surprise me considering we belong to an awesome blogging community.

Still, I cry when I think about it. And I’m sad because I still haven’t visited their sites. 

Today is the first time I’ve been at the computer since the accident. Not just because it hurts to sit for too long, but because I’m depressed. I need to understand why this happened. And not just the accident, but the 8 hours while I waited for someone to find me. I need to replace the doubt that has taken over. Before the accident I was of the mindset that everything will always work out. Now I’m not so sure. 

My doctor says it’s the result of a concussion that has me feeling vulnerable and emotional. He says that though I may feel as if I’m standing still, I will recover, grow strong again, and in time understand the good that came from this. 

I hope he’s right. I like that other joylene better, the one who believes everything always works out. It’s what this blog has been about from the beginning. 

After 5 years of having our house on the market, someone is interested in buying our home. No, I have no idea how I’m going to manage packing up 25 years worth of stuff while using a walker. 

I have a lot to be grateful for. I know that. One day this will make sense. And when it does, I’ll share that too. Meanwhile, I won’t be around for awhile. I’ve turned off comments for your benefit. To those of you who have taken the time to email me privately, I will answer each of you soon. First I need to succeed at pain management and get a good night’s sleep. 

Thank you for the wonderful birthday wishes and all the get well messages. You really are a treasure that I give thanks for every single day.  

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