IWSG was created by Ninja Captain Alex J Cavanaugh — because Alex understands we need a safe place to congregate, insecurity is part of our creative nature, and together we’re stronger.
On the first Wednesday of each month, you can write on any subject related to your writing journey or adopt the option of answering the month’s question. Either way, you’re in safe territory.
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IWSG’s Twitter handle is @TheIWSG and the hashtag is #IWSG.
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I can’t answer this month’s question because there are too many books to mention. If I love a book I live it. Sometimes for weeks or months. Classics like Gone with the Wind, The Christmas Carol, War and Peace, and Polar Express, to name a few. There are hundreds.
Instead, I’m writing about being insecure. While I have faced far greater hardships, lately, my insecure-ness has been heavy with its presence.
I’m cringing that I’m actually admitting this but … after finally getting Kiss of the Assassin published after trying for 30 years, I thought all book sales would soar.
I’m looking up just in case the ceiling comes crashing down on my head. I’m tempted to delete the whole post in favour of writing about something else. Wallowing is a horrible feeling. The only good part is I’m at the age where no emotion goes unheeded. For whatever reason, I’m wallowing. It might even be a good reason. I hope it’s a good reason. Seems a waste of time otherwise.
When I started out, being self-published meant you were lower than the lowest. When I found a publisher after I self-published Dead Witness, I felt vindicated. I know, that’s silly, but since I’m being honest, that’s how I felt. Someone, other than me, thought my writing was good.
Now, here I am, the author of four suspense novels, and no breakout novel.
Inside my head, I hear, “Would you like cheese with that whine?”
These days you’ll find me with a shovel instead of a keyboard. We’re landscaping and there is no end to the rocks. Before I stop whining and go off to read your posts and then get back to raking rocks, I would like to say my feet, hands, back, and knees hurt. Did I mention my hands hurt? I also feel the overwhelming urge to admit — I feel guilty because I haven’t been marketing Kiss of the Assassin to the extent that I should. I’m outside all day. When I come in at night to make supper, I’m too exhausted to open my MacBook. After dinner, I sit in my lazy boy and Dear Husband sits in his. While supposedly watching tv, we’re actually competing to see who can snore louder. Dear Husband generally wins.
I hear that voice again, trying to give me cheese.
I know this sense of failure will pass. But I needed to come clean. I wanted you to know that even old-timers like me experience these bouts of uncertainty. It won’t keep me down long.
It was Date Night yesterday and DH and I went to the big city for supplies. We also saw Top Gun at the matinee. I’m mentioning this in case you’re on the fence about seeing it. Great movie, that should definitely be seen on the big screen.